Samuel Jackson / Mario Van Peebles 2012!

 In Daily Life, Entertainment, Lifestyle, My Life, What the...?!

So, last night Barack Hussein Obama completely pwned John McCain in the United States of America Presidential Election. Everyone is talking about how great it is that it took our country 220+ years to get over racial barriers and elect an African-American to the Oval Office. I think it’s a great milestone, to be sure, and we should be proud. But I also know we, as a country, put race aside and voted on the issues.

That being said, this has nothing to do with race, but I’m officially endorsing Samuel Jackson and Mario Van Peebles for the 2012 Presidential Election. Think of how much could get done in the White House with two awesome guys in control of things? No more filibusters, no more dead bills, no more BS stopping progress. Just a whole lot of pimp-slapping and no more B.S.!

White House Aide: “Mr. President, it would appear that we have a problem with terrorists taking over a high-rise in Manhattan.”

Sammy J: “Get me those terrorists on the phone.”

Aide: “Here they are, sir.”

Sammy J: “Bitch, be cool!”

Aide: “They appear to have pissed their pants and gone home, sir.”

Aide: “Sir, we appear to have some spies on Air Force One.”

Sammy J: “I’m tired of all these mother-effin’ spies on this mother-effin’ plane!” (throws spies out of a window he just shot the glass out of)

Aide: “Sir, there appears to be a group of militant protestors for PETA on the front lawn of the White House.”

15 minutes later, covered in blood.

Sammy J: “AK-47… when you absolutely have to kill every mother-effer on your lawn, accept no substitutes.”

And this has been “What if Samuel Jackson were President?” – join us next week when we talk to Sean Connery on Foreign Policy.

Hi, I'm Zöe. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, please feel free to leave a comment below.
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  • Nathan

    As far as completely pwned, let’s all remember that 56 MILLION people didn’t vote for Obama, while he netted 63.4 MILLION votes. That means that only 52.4 percent of the voters who cast votes in the U.S. supported Obama, so let’s be a little bit more conciliatory to the other 56 million who live here too 🙂

    Obama himself wisely addressed these people in his victory speech when he said he will be their President too, I just wish his supporters could be a little more dignified in his victory than many have on sites like CNN where they still are spewing hatred toward Mccain and Palin.

  • Nathan

    Hmm can’t edit my comment, just wanted to make it clear I wasn’t talking about you or what you posted, mainly comments people are posting on CNN and other news sites that allow comments.

    You are entitled to a victory dance just no tangos, that’d be weird.

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