Your Mom

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The age old come-back, “Your Mom!” is a timeless classic in the exchange of quips and retorts. Sit back, relax by the fire, and unwind as Dave recounts some of his most favorite “Your Mom!” moments.

Good Afternoon, readers. I’m your host for this holiday Christmas special, “Your Mom!” Today we’re gonna take a look at some of my favorite moments when, at a loss for words, I quickly came-back with an earth-shattering witticism.

When I was a wee fourth grader, someone said “You’re fat.” I was shocked and appalled. I reached deep down and harnessed the anger within, and I said “Your mom’s so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.” That person didn’t call me fat again for a good five minutes.

As a freshman in high school, it’s a tough new environment. You’ve got to adapt to all these other kids who smoke and drink and curse and do drugs and can drive a car to school. Which means you’ve got to make fun of another freshman in front of them quickly in order to get access to all that stuff. I found my friend Steve, and I said “Hey, Steve, what’s black and white and read all over?”

“A Newspaper?”

“No…. YOUR MOM!”

BWA HA HA HA HA! I kill me. I was adopted by the pot-smokers, because they were the only ones who thought I was funny.

Last week, when I was just in a weird mood, another opportunity presented itself, and even evolved the phenomena into a new paradigm.

I was sitting in the living room with friends, and Elizabeth said “Dave, you’re not very good at Soul Calibur II.” And I said “Your Mom’s not very good at Soul Calibur II.”

She said, “Dave, that’s so lame.”

“Your FACE is lame!” And thus a new paradigm was born. “Your Mom,” has transformed, like a caterpillar in the warm cocoon in early Spring turns into a llama, into the new creature — “Your FACE.”

“Dave, you need to quit fooling around on your computer and get a job, like recruiting for finance and accounting jobs,” my mom said.

Thankfully, I had developed the new weapon, as the “Your Mom” response would have offended my grandmother, who is very sweet and bakes me cookies. So I said, “Your FACE needs to quit fooling around on the computer and get a job.”

I hope you all have a Merry holiday Christmas season, and join me back later tonight when I expound on the joys and risks of extreme video rental. No, not renting extreme videos, but renting videos in an extreme way. Yes, it’s a contact sport.

Your FACE is a contact sport.

Hi, I'm Zöe. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, please feel free to leave a comment below.
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  • Janie

    i use “your face” all the time…. 🙂 never did use “your mom” though….hmm… 🙂 btw….i should get you that list…i’ve just been really busy with finals…..think you can wait till i’m done with finals? then i’ll do my guest blog 🙂

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